Vivian: "One time, I went to visit a professor's English class. She was teaching the class the meaning of "couch potato," since it came up in their reading. She said, 'A couch potato is a special dish American's prepare, and I've heard it's quite delicious.' I died laughing."

Tony: "You know we eat everything in Guangdong! There's one snack that has snake, cockroaches, and . . . something else all blended together. Then you drink it."

Chandler: "What's the name of this fruit again? Apple pie?"

{Hysterical laughter}

Chandler: "Pineapple. It's pineapple, isn't it. Not apple pie . . . "

Wilson: "I hate Japan, but I don't know why. I think Chinese schools washed  my brain."

Shepard: "Everyone says it's too dangerous to travel to XinJiang because of all the terrorism."

Me: "So, is it more dangerous for foreigners to travel there, or do they only target Chinese?"

Shepard: "They don't care if you're foreign. Everyone has equal opportunity to die in XinJiang."

Shepard: "I can speak English, I can talk to you today because I'm a failure. Failure is the mother of success."

 

Wilson: "Chinese dragons are different than Western ones. You guys have big, fat dragons that breathe fire. Chinese dragons are long and breathe rain."

{For further clarification, Chinese dragons don't have wings, but that doesn't mean they can't fly. They "swim through the air," like snakes swimming through water. And when they breathe rain, it's enough to cause a flood.}