Mars: "During the summer, my friends and I go deep-sea fishing. And sometimes, we climb up the mountain to catch turtles."

Me: "Why are there turtles on a mountain? How did they get up there?"

Mars: "I don't know. But they're huge. Seven or eight inches around."

Wilson: {Urgently interrupting my conversation}: "So, because you live in Kentucky, does KFC give everyone free fried chicken?"

"Cathy, would you ever eat mint and chocolate together?" {Because every Chinese person I've talked to says it's poisonous. Not kidding.}

"What? No, of course not!"

"Why?"

"Why? {Sputter.} Why, no one ever told me that I could, so why would I?"

Helena: "In Guangdong, they really have earthworms this big!"

{Random fruit lady}: Face made when we ordered a "Pineapple Mango Juice."

{Stunned}

{Confusion}

{Revulsion}

{Uncontrollable laughter at the utter absurdity of our request}

"Meiyou meiyou {nothing}. . . . Bu hao! {not good}"

Candy: "My hometown knows how to make pork. We love pigs. Have you ever eaten pig's ear? Pig's nose? Pig's tail? Oh, they're so good!"

Kevin: "You know when it rains while the sun is still shining? We call that "when the sun is peeing."

Wilson: "No, I'm  not rich. I don't have a good job, or a house, or a car. All I have is... my girlfriend."

"What! So you're saying you'd rather have all that than your girlfriend?"

{Pause.} "No. Helena is my..." {Pause.} "She is my all things. I don't need anything else."

{Cue the "Awws."}