Tony: "I know a lot of people with strange names. Like, one kid, whose name means 'Legendary fool,' and another whose name means 'Love mountain and water,' and another whose name sounds like 'Good-smelling poop.' And I think, 'Why did their parents name them that?'"

Shepard: "I'm tired, guys."

Alison: "I'm sorry! Want us to speak in Chinese so you don't have to think so much? {Gibberish} {Apparently}

Shepard: "No. Just speak in English. It's easier to understand a foreign language rather than a bad version of my own."

 

Alison: "Oh, look. I found bark in my food."

Kevin: "Today starts the race around the island!"

Me: "Why aren't you in it?"

Kevin: "What?! Oh, no. I can't do this race. They bike up the highest mountain on the island, which takes two hours, and when they are cycling normally, they go 50 kmph. When they pass you, you can feel the wind rush by. I've felt it."

Kevin: "I have great news! Yesterday was my sister's full moon! Well, her baby's. A full moon is when the baby turns one month old, and we can finally take pictures of it."

Me: "So you haven't taken any pictures of her? Why?"

Kevin: "You just can't."

Blue: "You can call anyone, 'Qin'; it's just 'honey' or 'dear.' On Taobo, if you ask for customer service, they'll call you 'Qin.'"

Alison: "So it's like 'Hun,' and Taobao is the South!"

Me: "So today in class, I had the students create schedules for a good student and a bad student. For the bad student it was, 'Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Eat. Sleep . . .'"

Wilson: "That's not a student. That's a pig."

Me: "How you say, 'You're so mean'?"

{Hold that face for ten minutes}

Me: "How can you not have that in your language?"

Helena: "It's complicated. I don't know."

Ray: "We need garlic for our barbeque."

Me: "But we didn't buy anything to go with the garlic."

Ray: "We don't need anything else. We're just going to eat the garlic by itself. Just pop it into your mouth."

Ray: "I know more English than you."

Alison: "Oh, really? What's 'onomatopoeia'?"

Ray: "It's mlasdfjlwkejglskdgsl {mumbling}."

Alison: "Yeah, maybe that's onomatopoeia for 'I don't know.'"

Brian: "What is reality? Reality is not living your dreams. Reality is working really hard in high school to get into college so you can pursue your dreams. Reality is not doing well on the college entrance exam and ending up at a bad college. Reality is having so much ambition and deciding to work hard anyway. Reality is meeting your roommates freshman year who are so fun and want you to play computer games instead of studying! But reality is fun. I wouldn't trade those roommates. I wouldn't trade all the hours of computer games, even if it makes studying a little more difficult."

Brian: {As he chomps down on chicken kidney} "Did you know in China we call iPhones, "shen" {kidney}? It's because some high school kid sold one of his kidneys for the iPhone 4. So now if someone says, 'Let me see your kidney,' all Chinese know that means, 'Let me see your iPhone.'"

Joe: "In Guanxi, they like to eat fried rat on a stick."

Me: "Wow. Good thing China closed itself off from the world during the whole Bubonic plague thing. Wait. How have they not had that?"

Alison: "Maybe it's still coming . . . Do we have a shot for that?"

Me: "Helena! We're going to have an ice cream party!"

Helena: "Ok! I'll bring tofu and potatoes!"

Me: "Um..."