Vivian: "One time, I went to visit a professor's English class. She was teaching the class the meaning of "couch potato," since it came up in their reading. She said, 'A couch potato is a special dish American's prepare, and I've heard it's quite delicious.' I died laughing."

Tony: "You know we eat everything in Guangdong! There's one snack that has snake, cockroaches, and . . . something else all blended together. Then you drink it."

Chandler: "What's the name of this fruit again? Apple pie?"

{Hysterical laughter}

Chandler: "Pineapple. It's pineapple, isn't it. Not apple pie . . . "

Wilson: "I hate Japan, but I don't know why. I think Chinese schools washed  my brain."

Shepard: "Everyone says it's too dangerous to travel to XinJiang because of all the terrorism."

Me: "So, is it more dangerous for foreigners to travel there, or do they only target Chinese?"

Shepard: "They don't care if you're foreign. Everyone has equal opportunity to die in XinJiang."

Shepard: "I can speak English, I can talk to you today because I'm a failure. Failure is the mother of success."